Oh my I appear to be growing a human...

Jan 30, 2017
3 min read

On January 30th we had our first Ultrasound scan confirming that we are, touch wood, growing a human - I had thought that Mr B and I would get quite emotional seeing the little bean on the screen wriggling around and hearing the heart beating away but it is so surreal - I found it almost difficult to connect to the image on the screen, how can it look so big and be punching the air like a hero when I can't feel it at all!? The Dr tells us afterwards that at just shy of the 13 weeks our chances of a miscarriage have now fallen to 1% and that we can embrace the pregnancy and start telling our friends and family.

Until now we have told only a handful of people, which being that our secret has fallen over my birthday, Christmas and New Year, hasn't been easy - if only I hadn't been such a lush before hand people would be less suspicious over my; ' No I am trying to be good,' or 'Thank you but actually I am the desingated driver.' It would help if my husband or I were good liars but we are both rubbish!

The Journey So far...

It is such a bizarre moment when you finally decide to nip to the chemist and buy a pregnancy test - bizarrely I felt almost naughty doing it?! Picking up some nail varnish, kitchen roll and chocolate as well just to almost make it less obvious?! But then when the result comes up positve you are like...'Nah! What! OMG! Wow!'

I swore I was going to tell my husband in a super cool way but unfortunately I didn't even let him get his coat off or even put his laptop bag down before I'd spilt the beans!

I assumed that it would be straight to the Dr's but no - they said oh great see you on Janary 5th you should be around 7/8 weeks by then... Say what?! I felt like I was instantly supposed to be more grown up, more responsible for this bean inside me?! Bring on the googling - 'What can I not eat?' 'How big is the baby inside me?' 'My boob is itchy does that mean am I having a miscarriage?' There are so many panels and websites out there to give you guidance but - in all honestly the answer is whatever you want it to be. I managed to absaloutley convince myself there was nothing growing in me - that I had had a missed miscarriage or something. I would advise everyone to be cautious, everyones experience is different and whilst sadly not everyones experinces are postive - it doesn't mean you will be the same.

The Reality...

With every check or test that you do, it all starts to become more real, the reality begins to sink in, this bean inside me is growing and its going to come out. Only 6 months left of just the two of us! Should we travel more? Do we need a bigger place? What do we need to buy - how much do buggies cost? Do you tube have a video on how to change a nappy? And what on earth is a birth plan - do I plan to give birth, yes, yes I do...?!

Whilst all of these aspects seem a little daunting - we are just going to go with the flow and try and enjoy these moments - we really do feel so lucky and fortunate to be in this situation and I appreciate that sadly there are many out there who have not been so lucky. (Not yet anyway)! I am also really rather attached already to this tiny little peach and I am beginning to realise why staying out after my curfew when I was 14 might have been such a worry to my mum!